Professor Arc: The Night before Christmas
by Coeur Al'Aran
Summary: 'Twas the night before Christmas and something went a little... wrong at Beacon. Now it's up to Professor Jaune Arc and the other staff to save Christmas, how could it ever go wrong? A festive Professor Arc one-shot for everyone.


**Merry Christmas to all! I'm flying home today, and presuming I don't crash and burn – if I don't update my fics by Monday do assume I'm dead, as they are finished… just need publishing. So yeah, don't hear from me, well – you know.**

 **But here I am well and full of cheer (and alcohol) – for a Christmassy Special!**

 **I hope you all enjoy, and beyond that – have a very Merry Christmas!**

* * *

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all throughout Beacon  
Not a creature was stirring, except for the Deacon;  
Paperwork strewn across desk without care,  
In vain hopes that Glynda might soon solve it there.

The students were nestled all snug in their dorm,  
Without madness or violence, as was usually the norm;  
Jaune lay in his onesie, Neo having stolen his bed,  
They were peacefully sleeping; akin to the dead.

When out in the tower there arose such a clatter!  
That Ozpin sprang from his desk, to see what was the matter.  
With mug held in one hand, he flew to the door,  
Tore open the woodwork and gave a great roar.

The intruder in the room suffered such an affliction,  
That bordered on withdrawal from coffee addiction,  
When, what to his guilty eyes should Ozpin behold?  
But a bloody red man, all silent…

And cold…

* * *

Professor Jaune Arc wasn't aware that he had an alarm system built into the roof of his bedroom. Not until it blared angrily to life one night, startling both the figures peacefully sleeping in the bed into action. Jaune groggily screamed and flailed, picking up the nearby alarm clock (which was silent) and tossing it into the wall so hard it exploded.

Neo was… less gentle. And a moment after sounding he heard the offending instrument give a gurgling death wail, as he turned to see the multi-coloured girl hanging from the ceiling by her umbrella. A long, thin blade lodged into the plaster.

"What the hell!?" Jaune felt he was entitled to ask, as he fumbled around in the dark for his scroll, which was now also going off. With a put-upon sigh Neo dropped from the ceiling, leaving her blade impaled into it as she made herself comfortable in his sheets once more. Still half-asleep Jaune found his scroll, smashing it into his own face as he shouted into it, before sighing and pressing the button to accept the call – and trying again.

"What!? Who? _Why!?"_

"Wake up – your boss – get to my office." The Headmaster responded before the device went dead. Jaune's eyes cracked as he looked at the digits on his scroll, one-thirty in the morning, Christmas Day…

 _I swear if this because he can't find any coffee I swear I won't be responsible for what I end up doing…_

"Neo, I'm off…" he sighed, looking to the girl who raised a single finger in response, huddling deeper into his warm blankets. The warm blankets he desperately wished he could get into. "Okay… can you remove that sword from the roof?" The finger again. "Okay… night then."

Three-for-three, but then, what did he expect?

He arrived at the Headmaster's office around the same time Glynda did, the woman dressed in her normal outfit – except for the dark rings under her eyes. She looked at him, grunted – he grunted back – the two making a silent agreement to kill him if this was a waste of their time, before pushing the door open.

Bart was already there, and judging from the way Ozpin was slumped in his seat, face white and one hand held against his forehead?

It was bad…

"We have a _serious_ problem," Bart said gravely, before slurping loudly at his coffee – diminishing the effect somewhat.

"It's not my fault," Ozpin said softly, though it sounded more to Jaune like he was trying to convince himself. "Anyone else would have done the same – I was startled."

"Oh Gods…" Glynda growled as she slumped down into a nearby seat, reaching over for a mug of coffee to wake her up – and you knew it was serious when Glynda Goodwitch drank coffee. "What did you do!?"

"I was caught off-guard," the man argued, one hand waving – though there was sweat trickling down his brow. "I woke up, heard noises – you know there's classified information kept in my office. I assumed the worst."

"Ozpin…"

"I-I didn't know! I saw a figure, crouched down near my desk!" He broke off, the hand on his forehead coming down to wipe the sweat away, even as he guzzled an entire mug of his coffee, poured another – and downed that too.

"The Headmaster saw an intruder," Bart continued for the man, face grim. "He strove to incapacitate them, but it seems their aura was not unlocked as he assumed."

"Oh God…" Glynda gasped, even as Jaune felt himself wake immediately. He could imagine the rest… they were so used to dealing with Grimm and rogue Hunters… to even imagine turning their skills on a man who didn't have their aura unlocked? He knew it would be messy… no doubt more so for someone as powerful as Ozpin.

"The Headmaster…" Bart sighed, "has killed Santa."

…

Wait, what?

Glynda sighed explosively as she collapsed back in her seat, a fierce frown on her face – and Jaune could understand why. They'd woke them up early in the morning for a practical joke!? Right then, see if he gave Ozpin that rare Vacuan coffee set he'd saved up for. It was going right down the toilet.

"Santa doesn't exist," the blonde woman waved her hand. The two of them flinched however when something was thrown on the desk between them, a large red figure – made more so by the copious amount of blood – spilled across the mahogany.

"Not anymore he doesn't." Peter Port said, huffing loudly as he wiped sweat and blood from his brow.

"Fuck." Jaune summarised, even as Glynda's head fell into her hands.

"It's worse than you realise Mr Arc," the Headmaster sighed, "tell me – what is it that Santa brings to little boys and girls on this day?"

"Presents?"

"I was hoping for something a little less material." The older man sighed, even as Jaune blushed.

"Oh right…. Uh, joy and happiness and all that?"

"And all that," the man nodded. "And let us continue this hypothetical situation once more, if someone were to per se _kill Santa_ ," Glynda groaned angrily at the man's words, "then what might little boys and girls feel on the morrow?"

"Well… the opposite, sad and disappointed I guess."

"Exactly, and again hypothetically – but not exactly – what increases Grimm attack rates?"

"Oh…" Jaune caught on immediately, his face going white.

"Oh indeed…" the Headmaster wiped his face once more. "All those children across the four Kingdoms, all feeling a surge of negativity at the exact same time, in our most populated areas? Let me just say that the tale of the Grimm before Christmas might become very literal this year."

Oh Gods… it was going to be a Grimmpocalypse. All four Kingdoms attacked at once, huge numbers of Grimm surging over every area where children were – which was pretty much everywhere. This was… this was bad – very bad.

"What are you going to do?" Glynda asked as she took a deep breath.

"Do?" The Headmaster said as he stood up, walking to stand by the window as he often did, "I'm going to do what I always do Glynda… _delegate._ Gentlemen, lady. We are all that stands before the end of Remnant, we may have kill-"

"You," Jaune pointed out.

"-have killed Santa, and it may be our fau-"

"Yours." Bart nodded.

"-but if we band together we can fix this!"

"How!?" Glynda shouted as she stood up, chair clattering to the floor behind her. "There's four kingdoms – no doubt thousands of children, and five of us! This is madness – and if you make a Beacon pun of that Headmaster, I swear _I_ will kick you out that window!"

"The thought never crossed my mind," the man lied as he stepped away from the glass. "Either way, Peter has taken the liberty of… _securing_ the man's method of transportation. Follow me."

"We have his sleigh!?"

* * *

"We have his sleigh…" Jaune repeated as they stood before the bedraggled red vehicle, which was scorched on one side, and also seemed to have a few holes in it. There was also a few of the reindeers apparently missing.

Though there was what looked like several splotches of red paint splattered around the area.

It was red paint… that was what he was going to keep telling himself, lest he start crying. Also if there ended up being venison on the menu later, he was _so_ eating in Vale.

"What happened to it?"

"Beacon has anti-air defence systems in case of Nevermore," Glynda explained with a sigh, "had I… had I known about this I might have turned them off last night."

"There's still five reindeer remaining," the Headmaster said as he walked before them, making to pat one of them. The angry beast bit towards him, but seemed unable to actually reach him – freezing a few inches away, teeth gnashing in cool air. "And as you can see they're unable to harm us – though not for lack of trying."

Indeed… from the tales Jaune had always imagined cheery animals frolicking happily as Santa delivered presents, but the five brown creatures looked absolutely ferocious, all biting and kicking – though as Ozpin said, they never actually hit anyone.

"I did a few preliminary checks on these golden reins," Ozpin went on, holding up a slightly bloody one that was clearly not needed anymore. "It turns out these are intricately weaved with ancient dust-weaving that induces control over people. To put it lightly… enslavement."

"That's dark…" Bart sighed, "who could have expected Santa himself to endorse such things, and I thought I knew the depths of prejudice in this world."

"Desperate times call for desperate measures" Ozpin countered, "cruel, no doubt to these majestic beasts – but their sacrifice has saved humanity year after year. And they are at the very least, still alive."

"Well five of them are at least," Peter shrugged, drawing a couple of glares towards him. "What?"

"Point is," the Headmaster continued valiantly, "we can use the reins to separate the beasts – and ride them across Remnant to deliver gifts. Where Santa would cover as an individual, we can split into smaller areas – making the task much easier."

"This still sounds insane – and I don't even know how to ride." Glynda Goodwitch said as she looked sceptically at one of the reindeer. It met her eyes furiously, an intense battle of wills soon began.

Jaune wasn't surprised to see the animal give in first, though it lasted longer than anyone else could have.

"Think of the children…" Ozpin tried, getting naught but a raised brow from her. "Okay then… think of the _paperwork._ "

"Off we go!" Glynda cried as she dug her heels into the subdued reindeer – taking off from the airstrip with a mighty leap, "I'll take Mantle!" She cried as she vanished into the distance.

Jaune watched as she winked away in the distance, the creature apparently somehow able to ignore more than a few laws of motion. Beside him, the remaining male teachers sighed.

"This is fair to neither me nor you," Bart said as he led one reindeer away, "rest assured I will free you once we're done here."

"I once had a reindeer like you – let me tell you all about it!" Peter cried to his own beast of burden, which already had a dazed look in its eyes that Jaune recognised from any student sat in one of his lecturers. He could only hope the man didn't tumble from the sky as the creature gave up on staying awake.

"You will take Vale Mr Arc," the Headmaster said as he took the fourth reindeer, leaving a particularly evil looking one for Jaune. It was frothing at the mouth badly. "While you're handling the city, see to Beacon as well won't you? And don't forget the visiting dignitaries!"

"Got it," Jaune sighed as he looked towards the animal. It looked back, promising murder. Jaune turned to watch Ozpin, curious to see how he would tame his own murder-beast.

"Tastes good doesn't it," the man whispered to the animal, his mug held before its snout. "There's more where that came from, so much more – so many varieties too. Work with me, let us do this. And then we shall _both_ of us rejoice."

Jaune felt a drop of sweat roll down his head as the creature knelt down, allowing Ozpin to step lightly on its back as he sipped at his mug. The two were away a moment later.

Leaving Jaune alone… sort of.

Red eyes met his, glowing brighter than any sun. Hooves dashed against the hard ground, showing exactly what they wanted to do to his bones. The golden dust-imbued reins in his hand felt light and flimsy.

He needed to be fast… very fast…

One golden brow raised as he stroked his chin.

* * *

"Look, we need to work together," Jaune cried, even as he pulled on the reins – fighting to retain control. "This is for the good of everyone, can't you understand that!?"

Furious eyes looked back, promising more than murder – torture, humiliation, followed by slow, _agonising_ death.

"Okay, so you don't care about that," Jaune sighed as his message fell flat, "I get that – I do! But the Grimm are a threat to everyone, and if those children don't get their presents then we're screwed." For a moment it looked like he was getting through, and he leaned closer – only to back away as teeth flashed, nearly taking off his nose.

Those eyes, baleful and deadly. He didn't want to meet them, but dared not look away.

"I know that you didn't sign up for this," he tried to reason, appealing to its gentler nature – if it had one. "And I know that you are full-well planning my murder right now, but can't we just work together for once!?"

Two brows seemed to raise.

"Okay yes, I did maybe attack you while you were sleeping," he admitted, "but come on Neo – you'd never have agreed to this."

The mute girl snorted, eyes flashing as she held her arms out wide, as though to draw attention to the golden reins attached around her shoulders. Jaune winced as he looked at them. Okay yeah… it was maybe a bit dickish of him, but in his defence this _was_ for the benefit of everyone in Vale – and it was only one night.

It wasn't like when he had snuck up on her sleeping form and jumped on her, wrestling the reins into place, that he had meant any evil…

Sort of…

Honest.

"I'll do anything Neo, _anything,_ " he pleaded – getting an arch look from her. "Just please let me… uh…" her brow rose higher, as his mind begged him not to use the word _ride her_ lest she snap and somehow manage to break the dust on the reins. "Let us… work together on this, to save Christmas."

Honestly, he had probably been safer with the murderous reindeer.

She didn't agree, so much as look away – but it was the best he knew he would get. So with a soft sigh he sat in his wooden desk chair, which he had attached to the reins with some string. The others might have been okay riding their beasts of burden, but he had a feeling that if he asked for a piggy-back then his death would be particularly humiliating.

"Away Neo!" He cried, pointing out into the distance, "to save Christmas." The girl snorted angrily, almost like the reindeer really, before reality seemed to fold in on itself, him squeezing through a tiny tunnel.

* * *

"Okay," Jaune whispered to the girl as she glared at him, "apparently this bag just gives me the right present if I'm near the person and reach into it." It certainly sounded magical enough, though maybe it was something dust related, like the reins. Either way his arm was in the tiny bag elbow deep as he rooted around, feeling his fingers brush against various things. "Ah…"

A small figuring of a Hunter, carrying a sword at least three times the length of his body – along with a smaller black Beowolf, which would fall in two at the slightest touch. Huh… violent toys.

Either way, it wasn't his concern – as he crept forward and shuffled them beneath the small Christmas tree. Once the task was done he stood back up with a small smile, pleased to have completed his task.

Well… one of his tasks… how many people were there in Vale again?

A rattling nearby had the blonde intruder wincing, crouching down as he looked for what had seen him. His eyes alit on the small girl by a nearby cupboard, guilty-expression on her face even as she had her hands in the drawers, a few glittering pieces of jewellery hanging from her pockets.

"Neo!" He hissed, "put them back – we're here to give presents, not steal stuff."

Neo sighed dramatically, reaching over to place a golden necklace back into the drawer, shutting it with a slam before crossing her arms and staring at him. Jaune, for his part, only placed his hands on his hips – nodding down to the other pieces of gold and silver spilling from her pockets.

Ugh… this was going to be a long night.

* * *

"Approximately eighty-thousand people in Vacuo," the green-haired man calculated as he hung grimly onto the antlers of his trusty steed, "assuming that these are split into family units on an assumption of 75% married, with all marriages having an average of two children, one male and one female – with current wind velocity and altitude, not to mention the population density over area…"

Numbers flashed across his mind, almost reflected on his glasses as the sky seemed to blur away – his entire frame quivering with mathematical rapture. A few seconds later one hand slammed out, a moment of eureka.

"All that considered I calculate that this task is... pretty damn hard."

But that was not the same as impossible, even if he may have failed to carry the two – which might have made it totally impossible.

"Um… it occurs to me that I never asked your name noble creature – but if we are to achieve our goals we must utilise means I have never thought to consider…"

The esteemed explorer and teacher sighed, reaching into the sack and drawing forth a wrapped present – which he hefted like a spear.

"It's time… for a drive by."

* * *

"Excuse me ma'am," a nervous man dressed in pyjamas and wielding his six-year-old son said, "but you appear to have trespassed in our home…" The figure he was speaking to turned to regard him, quirking one blonde brow as her glasses flashed ominously.

"Hmm?"

"I-I mean…" the man quailed, as all too many did before her, "it's just that… you're an intruder and… this is… our property…"

" _Hmmmmmm?"_ The brow rose higher; as did the terrified child the man was using as a shield.

"I-I'll just go to bed then…"

"Yes, that sounds like a good idea." Glynda Goodwitch nodded as she turned back to the decorated tree, reaching into her sack.

"Daddy… Santa scares me…"

* * *

"Ho ho!" The large man chortled as he smashed through a window, rolling across the ground and coming to a stop in front of a pair of startled children. "I say my boys! It is I, Pe-"

"Santa!" The two shouted, even as the round man shrugged.

"Sure, why not!"

"And what do you little boys want for Christmas?"

"We want to be Hunters!" They shouted in chorus, even as Peter reached into the bag and drew forth… some colouring books. The two children saw them and smiled, though to his trained eye he could see the sentiment was weak. Colouring books… he shook his head, even as he tossed them aside.

"Come here then children," the large man laughed, even as he strolled forward before they could move – laying a hand on each one's head. "For it is the fact that I am Peter Port, so get those auras out already!"

Others might have had to use great flowing quotes and lyrics, but not he! Not Peter _mother-fucking_ Port, no sir! He was a man, a gentleman and a damn hero. Nothing delayed him, be it Grimm, angry reindeer or aura itself.

And true to form, the two children straightened in awe, looking down at their hands in shock.

"Ha ha!" The large man laughed as he hopped back onto the broken windowsill, knocking loose glass aside. "Now remember my boys – if anyone asks, the window was smashed when you got here."

"Bye Santa!" The two shouted, watching in awe as a single beleaguered Reindeer huffed and panted, trying to carry away the large man.

* * *

"Milk and cookies?" The green-suited man raised a single brow as he looked at the offering. With a shrug he picked up the milk, before walking over to the cupboards and rummaging around inside.

Really, those silly children.

They'd forgotten to leave any coffee out with the milk!

* * *

Was it the… sixteenth-hundredth house they'd entered? He'd sort of lost count after the first thousand. Either way the two teleported into the living room of the house with their usual silence, though it was punctuated a second later by a loud thud as Neo collapsed to the carpet panting.

Jaune settled the rickety desk chair with one hand as he stepped by her, patting her pink locks gently even as she tried to muster the energy to bite his ankles.

It was while he was reaching into the sack however for the presents, that he found someone else in a similar position – though their sack was perhaps less for giving.

"Jaune?" The bowler-hat wearing thief whispered in honest surprise, even as Jaune sighed in disappointment.

"Roman, it's Christmas day… isn't this a little low - even for you?"

"Eh now, my men need presents too. Also… what the hell have you done to Neo?" The taller thief leaned around Jaune for a moment, looking at the vicious girl, who had just managed to push herself up into a kneeling position. "You realise she's going to kill you?"

Jaune nodded solemnly.

"It's a necessary loss," Jaune explained as he described the happenings that had taken place to the grim-looking man. As the story went on, along with exactly what would happen if they failed, Roman's face became increasingly pallid.

"Damn kid… why is it you're always in the deep end about these things?" He rubbed a hand through his hair, taking a comforting puff of his cigar. "And always dragging me in too… ugh…"

"What do you mean dragging you in?" Jaune asked as he pulled a nice looking new scroll from his bag and placed it under the tree. He turned around to rummage in the bag once more, frowning as he pulled out the same scroll.

It wasn't until he turned back to the tree, which had nothing beneath it, that he let out a long sigh.

"Roman, _please_ …"

"Thanks," the thief nodded as he picked the scroll out of Jaune's hand and tossed it into his bag, "anyway yeah – sounds bad, and the thing is, I'm not sure how far I trust you to handle all of Vale to yourself. Breaking and entering every house in a city this size? Only one man with the skill, and connections, necessary to handle that."

"You'll help me?" Jaune gasped as he tried to grab the man's hands, only to be pushed back by the business end of Melodic Cudgel.

"Tit-for-tat kid, I'll need something in return."

"Oh Gods, not another favour…"

"Nah, I've got something else in mind," the tall man grinned, "hold your bag upside down a moment."

"This feels unethical!" Jaune whispered a moment later as he tried to ignore the copious amounts of lien falling out of Santa's sack and into Roman's sack, slowly filling it up as the criminal's grin got wider.

"Heh, what do you know – it really _does_ know what I want…"

Ten minutes, and a few million lien later, Jaune grumbled as he secured the sack back on the side of his chair, picking up the reins as he urged Neo back into the action. The girl shaking sweat from her hair as she growled silently at him.

"I'll take Vale, and have my lads work on it too. With all my goons working on it, we should be done in two hours or so." Roman waved as Jaune's chair trundled by, "you focus on Beacon and we'll call it done."

"Thanks Roman," Jaune nodded as he cracked the reins once more, both he and Roman wincing as the aura of malice before them grew. "Anyway, I'll maybe see you again, if Neo's merciful."

"Yeah," the thief nodded as Jaune winked away, "it was nice knowing you kid."

* * *

 _How to win friends, and influence people._ He read, nodding to himself as he laid the small book by the orange-haired girl, who to be honest was sleeping a little weirdly. There also seemed to be what looked like a lead coming out of her back, plugging into a nearby wall – but who was he to judge!?

"Penny, done. Onto the next one…" he reached in once more, rummaging around as he bit his lip. Again it took a few short moments, before something seemed to come into his hand. Another book, it felt like.

 _Dummie's guide to dating?_ Huh… who knew? Either way he made sure to be extra-silent as he placed it by the bed the General was using in Beacon. Thankfully the man continued snoring.

That was probably for the best…

"Let's go Neo."

* * *

"Must resist urge…" Jaune grumbled as he lugged the crates of beer around the dorm, "to report to Glynda…" Another 24-pack of Vale premium lager came to rest at the foot of Cardin's bed, the four teens snoring loud enough to drown out any noise.

At least somebody looked like they were going to have fun the coming day… he'd be lucky if the best he managed was a painless death from his trusty steed.

* * *

 _Ear-buds and a ball-gag?_ Jaune raised one eyebrow as he looked down on the form of Lie Ren, who appeared to be sleeping with his pillow smothering his head. Jaune simply shrugged as pushed them under the teen's arm, reaching into his bag as he snuck over to the next bed.

A mega-phone for Nora. He honestly did consider not giving her it, but the damn sack just made him draw another one when he threw the first out the window.

"Sorry guys," he whispered as he hid it under her bed, hoping she wouldn't find it.

Pyrrha received a beautiful new sleeping gown, which he laid out over the back of her desk, while Velvet apparently desired nothing more than a carrot-cake. Though he supposed the sack wouldn't be able to grant her true desire of being back on her team.

Not since when he'd delivered presents to Coco's team she hadn't been the one drawn out the bag – though that might have been a little awkward. Especially if Coco had woken up to see him carrying Velvet around in a sack…

Yeah, that might have been hard to explain.

Closing the door with a gentle click Jaune spared a brief glance for Neo, who was dozing against the corridor wall. Deciding that a sleepy Neo was a safer Neo, Jaune crept by her as he pushed open the door to RWBY's room, using his teacher's card to overwrite the lock.

The door creaked open, even as Jaune let out a quiet sigh.

There was a single small table in the middle of the room, with a few cookies and a glass of milk on it – which was hardly unusual. What was unusual however was the small girl hanging from the ceiling by a piece of rope about her ankle, swaying gently as she snored.

A Santa trap eh? Somehow he could imagine that of someone like Yang, though he supposed the lure had proven irresistible to Ruby. Still, he envied her ability to sleep like that.

"A weapon magazine subscription for Ruby," he whispered as he walked by the suspended girl, popping one of the cookies into her mouth as she whimpered. The nightmare apparently turned into a blissful dream as she hummed, still asleep. Still upside down.

"And for Blake…." He rummaged about as his fingers felt a familiar shape once more, then again she was always reading. "Ninja-Revolution – Rise of the Gangbang Shogun?" Jaune looked at the cover with a faint blush, opening it to one page before closing it with a sharp snap. Good Lord…

Still, it wasn't like the bag to make those kind of mistakes.

He reached into the bag as he faced Weiss, drawing forth an ornate make-up set, which he smiled and placed by Blake's sleeping face. Tucking the _very_ adult novel under Weiss' pale arm.

"And for Yang…" he reached into the bag, hand grasping for something. A second later a frown came to his face, as nothing fell into his hand. "What the? Nothing?"

A second later he jumped, as two hands came under his armpits, grasping him as something soft pressed into his back.

"Well lookie here," a warm voice whispered into his ear, "looks like Santa got me just what I asked for."

"Eek!"

* * *

"Next…" Jaune Arc grumbled as he let himself into a new room, trying to ignore the bite marks on his neck, or the unrelenting tightness of his pants. It was for the greater good that he escaped… the greater good of all of Vale.

Just not for the greater good of Jaune Arc, damn it!

With a sigh he stepped by the offered cookies once more, ducking beneath a spike that threatened to impale him asyet _another_ Santa Trap threatened to eviscerate him. Seriously, what was with their students?

If Ozpin hadn't killed the man, then clearly one of their teams would have…

Another set of presents spilled from the bag, pornographic magazines, poorly concealed brandy and what looked like some particularly vicious dust he was sure they'd been seeing flung across campus sooner or later.

His scroll beeped four, and in a moment of horror he watched as some of the young ones stirred in their beds, though to his luck they did not awake. Ghosting from the room the tired giver of gifts stooped, draping the dozing Neo across one shoulder as he made his way back to his rooms.

Could it be that the task was complete? That they had averted the disaster that could arrive on the morrow through sheer force of will?

And enslaving dust-imbued reins?

It seemed hardly possible, and yet as he tossed Neo onto his bed, the girl not even noticing as he snapped the reins off her – it seemed like it might be so.

Ozpin was waiting for him as he entered that impressive office. The man, as crisp as ever in his green suit sat at his desk, his customary mug in hand. Jaune spared a brief apology for the reindeer he nearly bumped into, who was lapping from its own mug beside the door.

"How fares the gift-giving Mr Arc?"

"Vale is completed sir," Jaune said, hoping his words were honest and that Roman had come through. He's certainly paid the thief enough for the job… "How was… wait, if I did Vale, Oobleck did Vacuo, Glynda Mantle and Peter Mistral… where did you go?"

"I wouldn't worry about that Mr Arc," the man coughed, steepling his fingers before him in that way he did when he didn't want to give an answer, "simply rest assured that the location I chose was both vast and expansive – and that I worked far harder than you did."

"Somehow I'm not sure I believe that…"

"I'm back," Bart yelled as the door swung open, the man staggering into the room with a wind-blown face. His green hair was swept back fiercely, and looked like it was set to stay that way for at least a few days. "Vacuo done – and I officially hate sandstorms. Also if you hear anything about a spate of smashed windows across the entire country, I would just ignore it."

"I don't even know what you're talking about," the Headmaster nodded, even as he turned to regard Peter, who stumbled through the door clearly dazed.

"What the hell happened to you!?" Jaune felt compelled to ask, looking up and down the man's ruffled clothing, and at the various lipstick marks across his cheek and neck.

"Mistral has a ritual where lonely women leave more than just cookies out for Santa," the large man said with a grin, even his moustache dyed red in certain locations. "Let's just say if we have to do this again I'm calling dibbs."

"Well then, that's everything – good job gentlemen! I knew I could count on you all to solve this completely accidental situation that occurred as a result of no one in particular's mistake."

"Wait," Jaune looked around, "where's Gly-"

"Sorry I'm late!" The woman shouted as she burst through the door, an uncharacteristically large grin on her face. "I was just finishing up at Atlas." She prowled into the room like a panther, before lounging on one of the chairs with a vicious grin on her face.

"Anything we should know?" Jaune dared to ask.

"Oh…" the woman simply smiled, "nothing… nothing."

* * *

Winter woke with the morning alarm, as she always did, her eyes opening slowly as she made to stretch her arms out – only to pause as her left arm connected with something solid.

"What th-?"

Her room! Her pristine, white room – though there was no calling it that anymore. Not with how it was stained a fierce black, huge piles of coal balanced around the room in what must have been stacks of thousands!

Her eyes glanced to the left, noticing the huge pile that lay beside her on her sheets, which even now was wobbling precariously from where she'd hit it.

"Don't you _dare…"_

…

Outside her office, other students celebrating the Christmas morning spontaneously found somewhere else to be – as a high-pitched scream of rage sounded from the terrifying woman's quarters.

* * *

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all throughout Beacon  
Not a creature was stirring, except for the Deacon;  
Paperwork strewn across a desk without care,  
In the vain hope that Glynda, might soon solve it there;

The students were nestled all snug in their dorm,  
Without madness or violence, as was usually the norm;  
Jaune lay in his onesie, and Neo in his bed,  
They were peacefully sleeping, akin to the dead,

When out in the tower there arose such a clatter!  
That Ozpin sprang from his desk to see what was the matter.  
With mug held in one hand, he flew to the door,  
Tore open the woodwork and gave a great roar.

The intruder in the room suffered such an affliction,  
that Ozpin felt horror worse than coffee addiction,  
When, what to his guilty eyes should Ozpin behold?  
But a bloody red man, all silent…

And cold…

With an apologetic sip of coffee, he realised right quick,  
That he'd gone and slaughtered, the hearty St. Nick.  
Without the good cheer, people's joy would be eclipsed  
And he dared to imagine, the coming Grimmpocalypse.

"Come, Jaune! Come, Glynda! Come, Peter and Oobleck!  
We've a bit of a problem, and all has gone to feck!  
If we don't save Christmas, then Remnant will no longer be,  
And I'm fairly sure those nit-pickers are going to blame me!"

"So let's steal his reindeers, which can apparently fly  
Split Remnant to quarters, and take to the sky!"  
So up over Beacon on unethically-sourced reindeers they flew,  
Though Jaune had a different idea, which he knew he would rue.

If speed was necessary, to make sure they didn't all end up dead,  
Then maybe it was worth it, to ambush the demon in his bed?  
As he drew forth the reins, and imagined how his death might come round,  
Jaune took the plunge, and soon after Neo was bound!

Peter had once fought a war in Mistral, or so he would claim,  
And his clothes were quickly tarnished, though he couldn't complain.  
A bunch of aura-infused children he'd left behind his back,  
And a lot of lonely women he'd left satisfied in the sack.

Oobleck chose Vacuo, though he wished he'd thought twice,  
For the area was known only for sandstorms and vice,  
Recalling his youth, when he'd been quite the prankster,  
He delivered presents through windows, like a merry green gangster.

And though no one could accuse Glynda of acting with cheer,  
She delivered to Mantle, though it left some wracked with fear.  
And then in one bedroom, she spied her true goal;  
And buried that man-stealing, frost-bitch in coal!

That left Fake-Professor Jaune Arc with Vale,  
And with his murderous "partner", they made quite the trail;  
Across living room and bedroom, they delivered their gifts,  
Though he'd later realise Neo had made quite a few lifts.

And with criminal contacts, a shady agreement bore fruit,  
Though he dreaded to imagine kids seeing Gangster Santa in a suit,  
And that just left Beacon, a task to be bested,  
And he managed it all, with only once being molested!

And the Teachers did gather once more in the tower,  
Considering all the good they had done with their power.  
But as Oobleck did sip from a celebratory beer,  
Did he scream "Holy shit, we'll have to do this again next year!"

* * *

 **Merry Christmas Everyone! And I hope we all have a great new year xD**


End file.
